"Maybe Tomorrow I'll Know"

Alex Ritany is a nonbinary Canadian artist, musician, and author of Dead Girls Don't Say Sorry, I Wish You Wouldn't, and Maybe Tomorrow I’ll Know.

They applied the Page 69 Test to Maybe Tomorrow I’ll Know with the following results:

From page 69:

If I die in this time loop, is it just over? Or do I reset? My stomach turns at the thought, and I can’t bring myself to finish the rest of the sandwich, so I bring it with me, and it sits on the passenger seat like it’s made of ham and judgment instead of ham and provolone.

The dashboard clock is useless, and Valerie’s dead phone isn’t any more help, so I have no idea what time it is, but it’s been dark for hours when my eyelids start to droop.

I’ve been changing the radio station all day, chasing frequencies, and now I turn the volume up, trying to stay awake, and when it gets truly unbearable, I stop in the middle of the night for gas and I buy a coffee.

“Long day?” the girl at the counter asks when I order a large. She has frizzy blue hair and pretty graphic eyeliner.

By the clock on the wall, it’s ten to midnight.

I give her a wry little smile. “You have no idea.”

“Where are you headed?”

At that, I pause. “I don’t actually know.”

“Ooh. An adventure.”

“Yeah, I guess so,” I muse, and decide that I like the sound of that. An adventure is the nicest way to frame this existential nightmare.

“Be safe,” she calls when I’m on the way out, and I go still with my hand on the door.

Emotion rises, threatening to cut off my air supply. Before I leave, I tell her, “Thank you. I will.”

The mountains drag on forever. I steadily make my way through the coffee, watching the road signs flash by, bright in the headlights, vanishing into darkness.

Interestingly, I think this is a great example of the Page 69 Test, even though this girl is not a recurring character and this scene takes place on a journey that does not last longer than this one chapter. This interaction encapsulates the bittersweet feeling that is a thread through much of Maybe Tomorrow I’ll Know, and actually manages to frame the overall story with a few facts: we’re in a time loop, this character is alone on a journey of existential dread, feeling uncertain and pressing through exhaustion and anxiety, and is buoyed only by the kindness of strangers (and gas station coffee). It frames the protagonist as resilient, but to me this feels like a resilience demanded by circumstance. They are resilient because there is no alternative. They are on an adventure, just not one they would choose. This brief moment also represents an important facet of queerness to me in that moment of recognition between two people who will never meet again. Whether shared identity is even consciously recognized or not, there is a call and response we’ve all participated in: I see you; be safe. For Maybe Tomorrow I’ll Know, the Page 69 test succeeds with flying colours.

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--Marshal Zeringue